These were sent to me in email and they reminded me so much of growing up. I still live in the South…some things I don’t do but still, they ring true.
25 RULES FOR LIVING IN THE SOUTH
If you visit the South, please keep the following in
mind… If you are going to live, or visit in the South, you
need to know the rules. In an effort to help outsiders
understand the rules of the Southerner’s mind, the following
list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern
State.
1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work
before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It’s called a “gravel road,” No matter how slow you
drive, you’re going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it
or get the hell out of the way.
3. The red dirt — it’s called clay. Red clay. If you like
the color don’t wash your car for a couple weeks — it’ll be
permanent.
4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven
years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don’t cry
to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a
name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for — bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are
making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might
want to ensure it’s not up to your ear at the time.
8. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order
steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef’s Salad
and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
9. Tea – yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice
and is sweet. You want it hot — sit it in the sun. You want
it unsweetened add a lot of water.
10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet,
and served over ice.
11. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We’re real
impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine
that we only use two weeks a year.
12. Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in
town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s
yellow.
13. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on> Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with “yes, sir” and “yes, ma’am,” and we sometimes still
take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.
14. We don’t do “hurry up” well.
15. Greens – yeah, we have greens, but you don’t putt on
them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.
16. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really
want sushi and caviar? It’s available at the bait shop.
17. They are pigs. That’s what they smell like. Get over
it. Don’t like it? Interstate 85 goes two ways – Interstate
40 goes the other two. Pick one.
18. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even
some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on
them, then you want cream of wheat- go to Kansas. That would
be I-40 west.
19. The “Opener” refers to the first day of deer season or
dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane
syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either
day.
20. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it’s called
being friendly. Understand the concept?
21. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit in the water
hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -and if
you hit it in the rough, we have these things called
diamondbacks, and they’re not baseball players.
22. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over
for driving like an idiot — his name is “Sir,” no matter
how young he is.
23. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips
from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they’ll
leave a logo on your hood.
24. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat
up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state
legislature — all four of them — enacted a measure to stop
this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag
burner.
25. No, we don’t care how you do things up North. If it
is so great up there why not visit a Northern state or stay
there. And no, down here, we don’t have an accent, you do.
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Uncategorized
