Mythical Calendar: As the Gods Turn: Anubis: September 4, 2010
Artist Appreciation: Dark Natasha
I had to do a twisted soap out of Egyptian God Anubis today because . . .
One, he is the only Mythical God I can find in the Ancient Calendar for today. And two, he really deserves some attention. I mean Ancient Egypt is my one true love,(which is why I am going to have some fun with it now) but when it comes down to conversing about it with others, they usually only know the major players: Osiris, Set, Isis, Nephthys, and sometimes Ra and Thoth. And even then, they only know the outer layers of those stories . . . .
Giving you the basics or 411 of the Ancient Drama:
· Osiris gets Egypt
· Set Gets pissed!
· Osiris gets Isis.
· Set gets REALLY pissed.
· Set gets stuck with Nephthys.
· Now Set’s life sucks!
· Set kills Osiris.
· Set starts to feel better.
· Set chops him up into many, many pieces.
· Set really feels better.
· Set goes to tap the ass of Isis.
· But Isis is nowhere to be found.
· Set inherits the ancient curse of blue balls.
· Meanwhile, Isis hunts for Osiris pieces.
· Isis finds them all except for one important piece . . . thou holiest of penises.
· Isis got skills. So she makes the first magical phallus (Ancient word for sex toy).
· Isis realizes she has made woman’s best friend–but that comes later.
· Meanwhile since all batteries are burned up and penis is a dud, Isis uses magic . . . brings Osiris back to life for one last DAMN good time.
· Osiris resurrects and passes into the Underworld where he becomes God of.
· Isis is knocked up by Osiris’s supposedly dead sperm. That’s how the Gods roll!
· Isis is left to raise kid on her own. (Typical scenario)
· Set keeps a hard on for the one woman he could never have . . . Isis.
· Isis hides from Set while her tummy grows larger than life.
· Isis gives birth to Horus.
· Then insert a whole nother drama for your momma about how Horus battles Set over Egypt, triumphs, and then becomes one of the major role players in many myths to come . . . even Jesus.
Caught up?
So where does Anubis come into play? Well, he has a drama-filled history all his own.
Ready? Let’s give the dog his due . . . .
Back in the Ancient Day, Anubis was at one time the big daddy of the dead. That was during the Old Kingdom Texts, before the New Kingdom Texts kicked in making Osiris the new pimp of dying. Sounds rather biblical, doesn’t it?
But who was Anubie, any ol’way? Who was the man or god behind the head of the jackal? Many a single lady would like to know and I am here to clue you in even if his own past is rather fizzled.
See, back in the beginning (insert genesis of Inpu–also spelt Anupu, lenpw, and so on), Anubis was considered to be the son of the major Mack daddy of Egypt–Ra–as in Sun or holy ball of fire. But then came the Cult of Osiris which kind of shoved Anubis and all his importance back a notch or two, but still keeping him in the whole pantheon of things.
In fact, his beginnings became rather . . . scandalous. Yep, here comes the juicy gossip.
You see, Set, as I said briefly above, had a hard on for Isis. In fact, he would have done about anything to have her. And he proves this as time goes on, but somehow Isis gets her groove on with Osiris and they dance down the halls of holy matrimony. The downward spiral is, Set has to marry Nephthys, the twin or sometimes darker counterpart of Isis. And I don’t think he was to dang happy about it. Neither was Nephthys, either, who had her own-well-female-hard-on going down for Osiris.
Now some stories show Set and Nephthys both desiring what they couldn’t have. And then they show Nephthys using magic and dark herb, tossing poor Osiris into a state of oblivion. In other words, girl friend got his ass slam drunk. And while he was chasing the pink elephant, she came struttin’ in with her sexiest nuthin’, making him think she was Isis in the mood for a little kink, doing things to that Osiris that only a bad girl can. *Snaps*
Unfortunately, though, Neph didn’t use birth control, or maybe that was the plan. Who am I to say? Well, whether she was out to score the heir of Egypt herself, or to steal Osiris away by dragging him on Maury’s talk show– screamin’ “You is my baby daddy!” something weird happened . . .
Did she fear for her baby’s life or did she decide that no welfare in all the world was worth raising a dog faced kid?
The story or drama just kind of fades to black and then we have Isis, who ends up raising Anubis as her own . . . and Anubis taking his very important part in the Underworld Pantheon helping the dead. In fact, we don’t see too much of Anubis hanging out with his biological mother . . . but rather helping and aiding Isis whenever he can. And maybe the storytellers got it wrong, or maybe Nephthys realized her wrong and went running to Isis making amends. And being the wonderful and forgiving sister that Isis was, she forgave her, because at times, and more often than not, we see Osiris sitting on his throne in the Underworld with BOTH sisters behind him.
It should be noted that Nephthys’ marriage to Set is, at this time, being argued by such brilliant minds known as Levai.
Anywho, don’t feel bad for Anubis because he went on to luuuuuuve, rule, and romp in his own greener pastures by marrying the Goddess Anput and having a daughter of their own named– Kebechet. If you are wanting to catch some art of the God, my best advice is to following the artist Dark Natasha, which I have shown hints of here. She is fabulous, and presents Anubis beautifully.
As for your calendars, though, mark today as being the CEREMONY OF TRANSFORMATIONS THROUGH ANUBIS . . . since he is Lord of the Hallowed Land, guardian of the dead, and of Egypt’s cemeteries. He also holds the scales by which all hearts are weighed against the sacred feather of Ma’at.
WARNING: Put on your damn sense of humor or dodge now. And don’t send me evil encrypted messages as to how the gods will punish me…because if you do, me and the gods are going to be laughing at YOU tomorrow lol. Seriously folks, just trying to make things fun. That’s how MY gods roll!
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